The Power of Asking for What You Want

Growing up, I wanted to be a tar heel. 

The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill was my dream school. 

Both of my parents went there, and that was the only place I wanted to go. So my senior year of high school, I applied to UNC early admission. I didn’t get in. 

I was devastated. 

I got into a bunch of other places, but it didn’t matter, because I wanted to go to UNC. 

“No, I do not accept this answer,” I told my mom. 

I asked her if she would make an appointment because I wanted to talk to the Dean of Admissions. (I honestly can’t even believe they let me do this, but they did.)

Eventually, I found myself sitting in his office saying:

“I would like to know, based on my file, why I didn’t get in.”

He gave me a spiel about how there were a lot of candidates and everyone had great grades and great SAT scores and on and on.

Finally, he asked me, “Miss Williams, where do you want to live if you’re on campus?”

(I remember thinking, “Who gives a shit where I want to live?”)

I looked at him dead in the face and said, “Sir, I honestly don’t care where I live, I just want to go to school here.” 

Two weeks later, I got an acceptance letter in the mail. 

What followed were some of the best years of my life. I went to UNC Chapel Hill, met some women who are still my sisters to this day, got one of the finest educations in America, and am still a proud tar heel to this day. 

I used to be embarrassed to tell this story because I was like, “Who has to talk their way into college?”

But now I look back on it as the first time I showed up and asked for what I wanted, knowing in the back of my mind they could say no. Technically, they had already said no, so I had nothing to lose. 

I asked, the answer was yes, and it changed the course of my entire life. 

As women, it’s easy to find ourselves in a position where we’re doing everything for everybody else, and we lose sight of what we want. We feel like it doesn’t really matter anymore.

When I ask my clients what they want, it’s really common to hear, “I don’t know.” 

If this is you, that’s okay. I’ve been there too. My goal is to help you unravel some of this so you can figure out what you want and go after it. 

Here are 3 small steps to discovering what you want: 

• Ask yourself good questions. 

Sit down with your journal. Map out what you want your life to look and feel like in a year. When it comes to your finances, work, health, relationships, and spiritual life, what do you want it to look and feel like? Who do you want to be working with? Let’s get it on paper so you can start taking small action steps towards that reality. 

If you want things to look differently in a year, you’re going to have to start doing things differently. 

Start asking for help. Tell people in your inner circle where you’re going and what you want. Tell the people who love you so they can be part of the change too. 

• Find a mentor. 

You can get where you want to go in a shorter amount of time by investing in a mentor who has already gone there. They've made mistakes. They've skinned their knees. They’ve developed systems and processes that will help you get where you want to be, faster. 

• Find a community. 

Find a community of powerhouses. Get around a table with other badass women who are doing what you want to be doing. Let them show you who you are and how you want to show up in this world. 

If you’re wondering how to build a community like this, you can start by coming to the Powerhouse Lawyers Retreat. We’re having one in February in Scottsdale, Arizona. Click here to get the details. 

I hope this blogpost gave you a little inspiration today to ask for what you want and get a game plan in action. 

When I think about the growth that’s happened in my business and in my life over the last three years, it’s come from implementing these steps. It’s been leaning into what I want and vocalizing that in very small, incremental ways over time. It all started with me figuring out what I wanted, who I was, and how I wanted to show up in the world. 

If you still feel stuck and unsure about what you want, let’s hop on a discovery call and see if coaching would be a good fit for you. 

When you start asking for what you want, something crazy happens. You actually start getting it. 

You start receiving more joy, abundance, and fulfillment because you weren’t afraid to ask. 

I believe in you, my powerhouse friend. 

Erin

P.S. Go Heels.